Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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