Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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