Sry I called you an 8
im holly from the hills drunk
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
