I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
