this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
