Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I could fuck to npr.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
