What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
