Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i just sent this text using only my big toe
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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