i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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