I need help removing her.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
