Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
