i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
