Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
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Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
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Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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