he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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