Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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