Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
There's even glitter on my cock...
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