Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
