man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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