the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
