Will you blow on my dice?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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