pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
