i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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