It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
