you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
vagina is talking i cant
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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