Well douche your snatch and let's go!
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Randomize
