Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
