it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
