I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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