its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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