I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
