I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
