Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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