Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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