when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
