I need help removing her.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
