i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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