FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
