it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
