And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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