I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
