At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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