He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
my god I love twenty year old dicks
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
