My hair reeks of homosexuality.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
