I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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