ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.