her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
