Lets date for the summer
Dont love me in September.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
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Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
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According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.