brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I feel great
I just peed on a car
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you didnt know i had herpes?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
Pick me up at 9.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?