Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
