All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
