I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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