So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
