She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
