you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
