I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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