that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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