trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Randomize
