Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
