I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
