So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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