we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
