I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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