Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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