pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
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Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
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You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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