she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
