there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
