just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
you inspire me to be a worse person
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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