In the future we'll all be gay
operation harelip BJ is a go
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
