i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
