I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Randomize
