I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
