these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
