so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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